Saturday, November 15, 2008

Bad Habits Die Hard!

Last night I was home…Didn’t go to the gym and ended up watching a movie! Whoops... wrong choice... that old bad habit crept back into my brain.. My God, it really is almost some sort of disease!

I had the erg to eat all bad stuff, like I used to do. I went out in the rain with my dog, ended up at the 24 hour convenience, and bought Smart Food popcorn and some chocolate. Mind you I did end up buying the small bag of popcorn, and a small chocolate bar (popcorn about 300 calories, and the chocolate bar about 300) .. but they could have been as big as my living room … because the guilt I felt last night, and this morning was almost crushing!!

Wow… I really have a bad habit that really needs to be addressed. I haven’t done this in 10 months.. But being home last night, really is a wake up call that my eating disorder is still there, and can be awoken just like that. I’m not off track! Don’t worry.. Won’t do that again! Any time soon.. But I do have to psychologically analyze myself, and try to avoid this situation next time… I want to one day be able to stay home at night, and just sit down on my couch and watch a movie, WITHOUT wanting and needing to eat crap and binge lots of food full of sugar and salt! For now, and tonight.. I have a concert, Sunday I’m going to the new Art Gallery of Ontario around dinner time, and next week back to the gym at night. You may call it escaping from the problems, but for now that seems to be the only solution.

I compare binge eating, a true disorder. Like being an alcoholic. Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic, once they are dry they can never touch it ever again, unfortunately, I am starting to think the same goes for these types of food for me. Well, not all food, but the chocolate, chips and popcorn stuff.. I can’t eat it, I just want more! So I have to just stay away from it…

Frustrating!

1 comment:

Brynn said...

Hi Wendy!
I wanted to let you know that Overeaters Anonymous might be a group that would help you to address some challenging areas of your "re-programing" Someday, you want to be able to eat every so often those foods you associate your emotional eating with and NOT have the feelings that are associated with them.You mentioned alcoholism, and I know alot about that!(Michael)Sugar,salt, and fat are a drug for you, treat them that way, and I think you will always HAVE issues with them.I believe you will be able to let those emotional ties go, live and enjoy without the debilitating feelings associated with what you Father had said to you and all the other trigger factors you are battling. Keep up your fabulous work. It's hard to dig down deep like you are. You got my support!---Brynny